i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize