Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
