I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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