i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
