I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he thought i was a dude.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
