Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
