When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
