Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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