1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This is the high leading the old right now
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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