man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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