Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
