If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
