whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize