dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
