i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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