Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
