I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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