I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Found the puke drawer
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
