New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
