The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
