I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
