I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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