dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
