Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
