he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
