Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
