Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
