god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
