Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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