I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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