Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we're making bets on your personal life
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
