Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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