she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
