Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
