I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
