what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
