That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
