There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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