Where did you get a picture of my penis
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
and i looked up. we had an audience...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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