Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
