Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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