i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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