We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
