I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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