at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
