I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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