Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
