If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
