I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I feel like abortions should bother me more
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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