last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
