He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
