I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
