I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize