Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize