I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
