You're my little dorito
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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