We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
