I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
