Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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