When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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