The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
