first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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